Butt Dailing

The other day my cell phone rings
It is La Chupa
I can tell right off because the ringtone goes something like
DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE SHE IS JUST GOING TO WANT SOMETHING AND SHE KNOWS THAT SHE MANIPULATES YOU FOR MONEY BUT SHE DOES IT ANYWAY
DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE SHE IS JUST GOING TO WANT SOMETHING AND SHE KNOWS THAT SHE MANIPULATES YOU FOR MONEY BUT SHE DOES IT ANYWAY
DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE SHE IS JUST GOING TO WANT SOMETHING AND SHE KNOWS THAT SHE MANIPULATES YOU FOR MONEY BUT SHE DOES IT ANYWAY
And all I hear is movement.  And muffled voices.
And I am saying "Hello?  Hellooooo?" and I still hear the same thing.
So I hang up.
And I call her dad.  No answer
And I call her step-dad (and we all know that isn't MY husband, right?) No Answer
And I text her dad
And I text her step-dad
And I start imagining that she has tried to hurt herself again and she is half concious and she is trying to reach the phone to call 911 but she can't do it and just hits re-dial and she gets my phone and she is just laying there in trouble.  And my heart is pounding and I am about ready to faint and I am thinking I should call 911 myself.
And she calls back
Butt dial
Sorry
20 minutes later her dad calls   Meeting phone off
22 minutes later step-dad calls  Dentist
I change my underwear
And go back to work