Monster

When I finally walk into the room there is a Monster there.

And it jumps up and snaps a collar around my neck

This collar means business;  it is strong and barbed and it already chafes

And there is a leash attached.

A short one

The Monster allows me to sit down in the corner on the floor

but intructs me not to look at it

It looks familar but it is also a stranger. 

Disconnected

Cold

Angry

Looking back on it now I realize that before the collar and the leash

There were strings

More subtle

Less powerful

The Monster holds the leash, as I expect it always will

And while it doesn't appear to be holding tight, I know it is only an illusion

The Monster is in charge and it knows it

Here is the Monster

It doesn't look like this on the outside which makes it all the more dangerous

I will call it Chupa

First Post: An Explanation

Here it is, my first post on this blog.
The Darker Side Of Geeez
Why the new blog, you ask?
Because I need to express myself in a way I will not on my public blog
By public I mean I don't know who all reads it
And this is important because here some of my Blog Rules will not apply
I WILL talk about my job
I WILL talk about my family members including my kids and parents
I MAY POSSIBLY use stronger language
I WILL be a little more honest and a lot more open
I WILL talk about my faith occasionally

Does it make me a hypocrite for being a different person here than I am over there at my GeeezBlog
Maybe-- depends on your definition of hypocrite.
I am what I am.  Some of it is great and some of it is crappy
Do I tell you that everything is terrific when it is not-- no
Do I expound one set of values here and one there-- no
Do I lie?
Do I tell people how to be?
No
Do I show a different side of myself to different people at different times-- yes but that is called privacy not hypocrisy so I feel okay about that.

So you were invited here but you accepted of your own accord.
You have been warned, lol.
Ooooo scary!

So today I sit down to put down on (virtual) paper what is on my mind-- or some anyhow because I have a LOT on my mind.
Most of you know that last Monday my 19 yr old daughter tried to committ suicide.
I have some thoughts on that
Some of you know that my job really really sucks and the company I work for is surely going to close at any time.
I have some thoughts on that
I am fat and diabetic and I am tired of dieting and recently have had to come to terms that I really do look to food to deal with stress and that trying not to do so increases my stress.  A Lot
I have some thoughts on that
I am contemplating writing a book about my life but think I would have to wait until my parents die.
I have a lot of cats.  So what.  If you don't get that and you think it makes me weird--- Bite me
I like to talk about my cats.  A lot of time they are the best part of my day.  Bite me again
I don't feel like I fit in at my church even though I love it in most ways but can't figure out what to do about it.
I really want to go on vacation but I dont want to go alone and I don't want to go with anyone.  That sucks
I really really want to be able to do downward dog in my yoga class but I can't.  Bite me Downward Dog
Bite me pinched nerves in my neck
Bite me being afraid to do what I want to do a lot of the time
Bite me exhusband
Bite me not having a ton of money
Bite me fat
Bite me waking up at 5:45am this morning when I could have slept in all day
Bite me not having sex in 15 years
Bite me the hole in my rental property roof
Bite me my sisters exhusband
Bite me Anthropology and studying fricking primates for a month
Bite me hair that won't grow out fast enough
Bite me holidays coming up when I really want to ignore them--- ALL OF THEM!
Bite me  Bite me Bite me

But thank YOU so much for coming along to hear all the gory details!
Leave a comment with what can BITE YOU today!!!!!